Sunday, May 31, 2009

Thank You Ladies

Matrilineality is a system in which lineage is traced through the mother and maternal ancestors. In feminist culture, the word is synonymously used with "matriarchy". In the context of my family, the female dominance extends not only in numbers but also in influence.

Very much akin to a matriarchy, I have placed my grandma as the genesis of what my family is today - more importantly what I am today.

While I've met my granddad in his lifetime, I never knew him. He left my grandmother to set-up another family while I was still a toddler. Compared to my older cousins, I never had the man's strict and regimental methods of upbringing. My point of reference, my disciplinarian, and my source of much love and comfort as a boy were my grandmother, my mother, and her sisters.

My grandma and my grandad were hooked up after their respective spouses passed on, each bringing a daughter into the marriage. They later had 3 more boys and 3 more girls. From what I hear, grandad was merely the breadwinner and spiritual leader of the household. He lived out his years with the other family, but I have a feeling that their dysfunctional and stereotypical malay attributes was something he'd desired less of.

Naturally, my grandma took the helm of the household, assisted by her 2 lieutenants to raise the other 6. The women in my family are the real success stories. My grandma was a teacher and, always so calm, collected and ever so poised in her mannerisms. She would take time to look her best, and believed that no task was worth embarking on if it can't be done right. She wouldn't hesitate to set me right with the cane and her deadly pinches to the abs and thighs. One of my fondest memories of grandma was our common interest in marine life documentaries; we would be in front of the TV together watching them in the evenings.

The women she raised went on to become a legal secretary, an accountant and the ones with entrepreneurial abilities, owners of private businesses. They inherited my grandma's self-assuredness, independence, preseverence, and quiet grace. And they imparted to me the same, with a special focus on how I should treat my women.

My grandma passed on sometime in 1994, recently followed by the 2 eldest aunts in 2007 and 2009. This brings closer to home the mortality of the other women, for they could be next... my own mother included. I was carrying an umbrella, sheltering my mother the other day from the intense rays of the afternoon sun when we went to visit my grandad's grave near Batu Caves. I didn't care much for the man's mark of his life in this world given the lack of sentamentalities. All the while noticing my mother, under her immaculate dressing and her D&G sunglasses, I could never imagine the vulnerability of one of my idols - she was always invincible in my eyes. I draw comfort that should the inevitable occur, I've made up for my disappointments of the past and her strength will live on in my sisters and me.

Incidentally, my youngest sister has blossomed nicely - I wouldn't have been able to recognise her if I bumped into her on the streets - and she will be commencing her Sociology degree with NTU in August 09... looks and brains, a product of our upbringing I'd like to think.

I am ever so proud to mention that I was raised by the women in my household. They are the powerhouses. Thank you ladies. Only problem is that they've set the standard so high, I cannot find a significant other with comparable strength, determination and beauty.

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